The Importance of Empathy in Youth Sport: Be the Adult You Needed

Written By L C

By: Lexi Casale, BTS Director of DI&B

As a young athlete, what are the big moments you remember? Was it a top ten finish, or maybe making it to States? Perhaps the team bus rides, or pasta dinners are a standout for you. Maybe even that one season when everything finally clicked, and you felt your development; you could taste the victory.

Competing as an alpine ski racer and softball player growing up, I was fortunate enough to have a lot of those moments. Big epiphanies, lots of introspection, and team camaraderie.

Looking back, I also had a lot of moments where there was much to be desired. Adults telling me that second place was “the first loser”, coaches saying I needed to gain or lose weight if I “really wanted to be competitive” (0/10 recommend saying this to an adolescent girl, by the way), and being asked if I was being realistic enough about my goals and abilities. Needless to say, I developed a thick skin and healthy dose of resilience, belief in self and perseverance in spite of all of that. When it was my turn to be a coach, I promised myself, I would be the adult that I needed as a younger athlete.

There is no secret sauce or magical equation to improve this situation. Nowadays, youth sports are exceedingly competitive, with athletes encouraged to “specialize” in one sport or discipline as early as middle school. One of the best things we can do as adults to support youth athletes and maintain the love of sport, is bringing empathy into the fold, and being the adult, coach, mentor, or parent we needed as a kid.

I coached ski racing for almost ten years, and I loved it. After serious injuries at the end of my high school career, my ability to compete ended, but I could still pass on my love of the sport through coaching. I started with elementary aged kids and moved on to high school where I stayed for the remainder of my coaching career. These kids faced so much pressure – AP classes, volunteering, being multiple-season athletes, working part time jobs, and vocational training or college applications. Add on to that the expectation of being the best (not just their best) at their chosen sport. Make that next bracket, qualify for champs, do more, faster, stronger, better. Go, go, go, more, more, more.

While my personal experience and certification in coaching was helpful in adjusting and improving technique, the main difference-maker was my approach. My fellow coaches and I led with empathy. We understood they had a lot on their plates, we had been in their shoes. I knew puberty was awkward, and social media could take over your focus, and parents/siblings/crushes/teammates could make you feel on edge.

So, while we worked on technique and tactics, we also worked on building team camaraderie. On positive self-talk. Realistic but kind feedback. Balance, and appreciating if they only had 40% to give that day, and they gave you all 40%, that was 100%. And on incorporating a healthy dose of fun for the sake of fun to keep the balance of the competitive spirit and love of the sport.

Dr. Sharon King Gabrielides summed it up beautifully; “The ability to be empathetic towards another has significant positive impact on the overall levels of satisfaction you experience in the relationship. One of our fundamental needs is to be heard and understood.” While the expertise of a coach or mentor is paramount for success to young athletes, the human element, ability to empathize and zoom out to see the entire person, not just the competitor is a game changing factor.

Empathy doesn’t mean coddling or placating to every whim or emotion. In its simplest form, it is “the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another” (Merriam Webster). It’s about taking the time to listen and understand, putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and considering the various elements at play.

There are three types of Empathy: Cognitive, Emotional and Compassionate

  • Cognitive: Logical – knowing how the other person feels and what they might be thinking

  • Emotional: Feeling – feel their emotions and experiences almost as if it were contagious and that of your own

  • Compassionate: Understanding – understand a situation and feel with them and be open to help if and when needed. Compassionate combines Cognitive and Emotional Empathy

The human element and ability to connect with one another is one of the main factors that signifies us as the most intelligent species. While I’m competitive to my core, and love(d) a good opportunity to push myself to my limits to win, I take pride in the legacy I left as a coach and mentor who cared, listened, and helped contribute to the development of the entire person, not just the athlete I supported a few hours a week.

Looking to apply this to your work environment? Check out this article by Tracy Brower, PhD about how empathy is the most important leadership skill according to research.

How would empathy have changed your athletic experience? As an adult, what do you do to be who you needed as a kid? Reach out to us on our socials.

L C